directed by Young-Ran Kim [김영란]
– South Korea/2007/34 min/Color/DV –
Un/going Home is a short docu that Young-Ran, a friend of mine, made about my trip to South- Korea in 2006. It will be screened at Indieforum 2007 at the opening on May 10th.
I met Young-Ran in 2005 during my first visit to South-Korea. When she heard I was coming back again, she asked me if she could film it. At first I didn’t see why I should say yes. But she was very persistent and persuaded me.
The filming itself was stressfull, I’m not at all used to having a camera directed at me all the time. Although I can enjoy attention, I turned very very self-conscious, especially with the eczema I was suffering from at that time. And I closed up more than usual, it wasn’t easy talking in front of a camera about personal things and feelings. At times I told Young-Ran to stop filming because I couldn’t handle it for a moment. But she was very patient with me, maybe more patient than I might have been were I in her position .
When I watched the end result for the first time I had to take breaks every 5 minutes or so. It’s so strange to see yourself in a docu. My cheesy dancing and in times stupid comments combined with the signs of some severe drinking doesn’t really help me getting over the embarrasment. I know, that’s my own fault.
Anyways, to summarize: it’s a 30 minute introduction on how I talk to much, can’t sit still, complain a lot and act definitly not my own age. Of course for me it’s different to see it than others. It’s a nice memory of a nice, yet stressfull, trip. For my Korean friends… well I don’t know what they will think.
I guess I am somewhat scared of reactions to it, some of the few people who saw it were positive, but I do tend to say controversial things (especially when I’m drunk) in a maybe a bit of a black and white way. Things that may be interpreted in a wrong way, since packing 5 weeks into 30 minutes does tend to put things a bit out of context occasionally. I had my problems in South-Korea in queer community because of my outspoken comments before and wouldn’t be happy with causing a stir again. And this time I would be talking about sex work as well… But then again, my politics are my politics, even if they get in the way of my social life.
I guess the only thing I miss is some footage of a hike I took up bukhan mountain. I was telling Young-Ran constantly that I would go climb a mountain just to make her climb that mountain with me with the camera and feel sadistic, and she thought I was joking. At the end she didn’t include the footage, despite her efforts to get good shots in the narrow path with her maybe to big for such a hike camera. Actually I wanted to go up DLI 63 Building, the largest skycraper in Seoul, by stairs to for the same reason but didn’t have time in the end…
In any case I’m happy that Young-Ran created a very balanced and diverse picture of me. It shows me at my best and worst, and mostly inbetween. Most important she showed my voice, my politics and my opinions. Not hers about me as happens so often with documentaries.